I suppose there is a point in everyone’s life where we ask that most basic of question. Who am I? Or maybe who is it I want to become? It is another passage from childhood to adulthood. When you are a child such thoughts only enter your mind without the confines of your imagination as you pretend to be a doctor, a teacher, or even an space pirate or whatever else your mind might constrict. The last thing I ever imagined being was a witch. However, there it was the true origins of my birth.
Up until this point of my life, I had no idea that I was adopted. My real family was well my real family or so I had believed. So, when my biological father found me. I was surprised to say the least. The worst part was the whole idea that we can’t be in she same room without fighting. Everyone says it is because we are so much alike. They claim we are both stubborn to a fault, as if. My father is way to controlling to be stubborn. However, I doubt there is much to us that is the same. He thinks the world bows to his every whim and god forbid that not everyone falls in line with his ways. I do not intend to let him rule my life just because he thinks he should.
Not to mention my father is a living legend, almost a god among his people. He was the youngest clan leader of all time. Alex, the prodigy who had managed to excel at everything he tried despite not being born within the clans. The stories of the man, the myth, the legend, Alex cycle everywhere I go. How can I ever live up to this enigma? I see it in every face I pass. The worst is the idea that I might disappoint my father. Despite everything, I find I do want his approval. I want to be worthy. I want him to be proud of me. I doubt he ever will be. If I fail, will he think less of me? What if I am not like him? What if I really am just a girl with a bit of magic in her blood, and not worthy of the legend.
It takes no special powers to see how strong he is. You can walk into the room and his very prescience demands obedience. I swear he could command the earth to stop spinning and it would obey. I am nothing like that. In addition, to my father power is everything. I am not even sure if he loves me. He is a hard man to get along with. He only ever seems to criticize. Sometimes, I wonder if he knows how to give a compliment. Moreover, don’t look to him for comfort or forgiveness. It is as if they forgot to put those words in his vocabulary. He is cold and calculating and sometimes I think people are just tools in his arsenal. It could just be that I don’t understand him. Nevertheless, I do try…however; any effort I make to reach the man underneath is met with resistance. Like, he thinks feelings are a weakness. Therefore, we bicker. The more he pushes the more I push back the more he pushes. The madder I get the madder he gets. The more we fight and round and round until my head feels like it is going to explode. Do all fathers and daughters act like this? I feel as if we are the only ones.
I watch him watching me. And I know I am not what he wanted in a child. He wanted someone more like him. He wants someone that can pick up a book and master its secrets. A child who is powerful, strong, and uncompromising. A person he can trust to run his clan someday. I am none of these things. I am just me. The disappointment. I am not sure, when he realizes that I can’t be the things that he will even love me. What if I can’t pass my test? What if I am not a good leader? What if the best I can ever be is mediocre. The problem with being the child of a genius everyone expects you to be the same. They await the emerging legend that you are suppose to become. I am surrounded by so many legendary people. The type of people they write stories about. The types that you can tell are destined for greatness just by being around them. Sometimes, I am in awe of them, while I know I am still just me.